How Would I Have Lived?
by Su Freund
Summary: Sam can't remember any of it, but nightmares haunt her anyway. SPOILER ALERT! Episode tag to Unending, the final episode of Season 10


Having seen the final ever episode of Season 10, "Unending", this ficlet came as a sudden inspiration. The ficlet is an "Unending" episode tag so **BEWARE SPOILERS!**

Title: How Would I Have Lived?

Content Level: Age 13+

Content Warnings: Sexual situation

Pairings: Jack and Sam

Season: 10

Spoilers: Episode tag to Unending, the final episode of Season 10

Summary: Sam can't remember any of it, but nightmares haunt her anyway

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2007 Su Freund

**How Would I Have Lived?**

Sam woke with a start, sweating, disoriented and taking a few seconds to realise she was safe in her own bedroom, back on good old mother Earth. It was just a dream, and the glimpse of what she'd dreamed was as elusive as defeating the Ori seemed to be right now, but it involved loss and longing, sadness and mourning. More of a nightmare than a dream.

She understood Teal'c's reasons for keeping them in the dark about those years that had been lost to the rest of them, but wondered if her images of the possibilities were worse than the reality had been. She'd never know for sure because Teal'c was Teal'c and would never tell.

Knowing but not telling must be harder on him than not knowing was for the rest of them. He was a stoical man, but she realised he must suffer. He'd lived for a long time with little to occupy him, stuck in a time dilation bubble on the Odyssey - and he remembered it all. The experience must have been even more hellish than the memory.

What might have happened over that slow passage of time? She imagined her frustrations at not finding an answer that could save them, how she must have hated herself, everyone else, and losing the life she'd craved for. Her dreams grieved for this loss, and mirrored the despair Sam realised she would have felt.

Knowing sleep would now be as elusive as the dream, she eased herself out of bed, pulled on a t-shirt and made her way to the kitchen. If she was going to be awake she might as well indulge in some caffeine. Quietly, she made the coffee and took it into her study, booting up her laptop and thinking she should do something useful with her time. But Sam found herself unable to concentrate, so wandered over to the window, slowly sipping her coffee while staring restlessly out into the yard to watch the spectres and shadows of the brightening dawn. Thinking. Probably thinking too much as usual. That's what Jack always said, anyway.

This amused her. How could anyone think too much, for crying out loud? But Jack spent a good deal of time trying not to think, or about certain things. Some things don't bear thinking about. She got that, she really did. Thinking about spending half a century without him in her life, desperately trying to find a way to get home, get back to him – that was one such thing. But she couldn't stop those thoughts. She must have missed him. 'How would I have lived…?' she thought.

"Penny for 'em?"

Startled by the soft voice she knew so well, Sam turned her head, a faint smile on her lips. He wore only his boxers, his hair dishevelled, his eyes still drowsy from sleep. She loved that somnolent look, something she had seen infrequently over their years of serving together. When on duty, Jack would have been wide-awake quickly, rarely caught off guard, and Sam admired how he adjusted his sleeping patterns to off-duty mode so easily.

"Bad dream, I think," she replied, turning back to the vigil over her yard.

"Want me to hug it away?"

She nodded without looking back, alert to every movement and sound of his approach. Then his arms engulfed her, one wrapping itself around her chest, while the other enfolded her waist. She felt his breath on the back of her neck, and his lips kiss her nape.

Gently, Jack pulled her against him and she sighed, a happy satisfied kind of sigh. The feel of his arms around her had always helped blow away her blues. Now those arms were hers, and nearly as much a part of her as hers. She loved this man, and believed he loved her too. Together, at last, after all those years of wanting. It felt so right, because it was.

Taking the coffee from her hands, he took a sip. "Mmmm… that's good," he muttered.

"There's more. Want some?" She offered, but quivered from his touch and longed to stay wrapped in his arms for a while longer, until the shadows passed.

"Don't want to move," he replied, gently swaying her in his embrace. "Feels good."

"Yeah, it feels good," she agreed, pleased Jack wanted the same thing as her. He handed the coffee back and she gulped some down, reaching over to the nearest bookshelf to put down the cup, and leaning her head back against his shoulder. His lips pecked her soft, downy cheek and he pulled his arms together just below her breasts, squeezing gently. She responded by enclosing his arms with hers and cupping one of his hands.

"So, bad dream, huh?" he asked after a few moments silence.

"I think so. You know dreams. I only remember flashes."

"The Odyssey?" he probed. Jack understood, he knew. She loved that about him, that and many other things.

She nodded. "It's crazy to dream about something you can't even remember, right?"

"Is it? Maybe. It sure makes my blood run cold to think what would have happened if you hadn't made it home. How would the world live without your genius?" His tone was slightly mocking and she slapped his arm, tutting. "How would I have lived?" he confessed in a more serious and subdued tone, loosening his grasp and turning her to face him. Gripping her shoulders, he stared soulfully into her eyes and one hand reached up to her face, his fingers smoothing over her skin.

"You'd have managed without me," she commented wryly and he smiled thinly, but shook his head in denial.

"I'm glad I don't have to."

"Me too."

Sam wanted to tell him she loved him, but held back. She thought he knew, and she couldn't bring herself to openly confess those feelings because he never had. So much for women's equality, wanting him to say it first. Pathetic really. And he probably thought he didn't need to say it, that she already knew too. He was right, of course, she did know.

His confession about living without her, or not, meant a great deal, confirming those feelings. Nevertheless, Sam longed to hear the words from his lips. Maybe one day, but it probably didn't really matter. This was forever, that was obvious and had been for some time. They were one now, joined and as inseparable as their respective jobs allowed.

As Jack moved his hand from her cheek, she stopped him by placing hers on top of it, leaning into his long, callused fingers. "I must have been really lonely."

He saw the sorrow in her eyes and, being Jack O'Neill, tackled it teasingly. "Nah! With your team and Hank to keep you occupied? I bet you ended up with Mitchell or one of the guys keeping you nice and warm at night." His tone was light-hearted but she could see a hint of jealously in his eyes. She was dreaming dreams of non-existent memories while he was envious of phantom lovers. Definitely crazy.

"Cam? No way! Jeez, how lonely would I have to get?" She puckered her nose with distaste and Jack chuckled.

"I thought women liked him."

"I guess he's pretty cute and all, and I like him well enough, but not like that!" She shuddered and Jack placed his free hand on the small of her back, pressing her closer, his breath heating her face

"Okay… so… Daniel?" he ribbed.

Her responding expression was horrified. "Holy Hannah! That would be about as close to incest as I could come without actually sleeping with Mark!" Jack burst into laughter. "Anyway, I figure he and Vala would probably have, you know…"

"Daniel and Vala? Really?" His eyebrows shot up with surprise, and stayed up, inclining into a quizzical look. "Teal'c, then?"

"Now you're talking!" she exclaimed heartily, astonishing Jack. "A huge, muscular Jaffa. What more could a girl wish for?" Sam added with a jocular wink. "And don't you even mention the general," she warned. "The only general I want is standing right here."

Jack grinned. "Looks like Teal'c, then. No wonder he's not talkin'. Wait until I see the big guy…"

She smiled, saying nothing, but manoeuvring his hand to her lips and kissing his palm. "As I said, I must have been very lonely," she said as her lips moved away, "I'm betting I really missed my general."

Her eyes were filled with loving warmth and Jack's heart lurched dramatically, his feelings for Sam apparent in his expression. Instead of speaking, his lips closed over hers, tongue seeking and gaining entrance to her mouth. Grasping the back of her head, he pushed it as close to his as possible and captured her tongue with his teeth, encircling it and sucking it into his mouth. A small moan vibrated through her and Sam wasn't sure if it was his or hers. Maybe it was both.

Easing away, his eyes entrapped hers as raptly as his teeth had caught her tongue and he smiled. "So, how about breakfast?" he asked.

Sam was slightly taken aback as she'd hoped a seduction was the next thing on their menu. After that kiss, man! "Breakfast?" she queried.

"Yeah, in bed," he replied with a smirk. "I get first bite."

"Ah! I see," she responded, chortling as she realised food was the last thing on his mind and she'd be getting her wish after all. "The general's horny?"

"Yeahsureyabetchya!" A huge grin enveloped his face, making her stomach flip with anticipation and winning her heart as always. Not that he hadn't already won that years ago, but the smile could knock her dead from a hundred paces. Always had.

Taking her hand, he tugged gently, inclining his head towards the door and arching his eyebrows enquiringly. Sam had no problem falling in with his plan.

"Oh yes, my general – absolutely!" she agreed, allowing him to lead her back to the bedroom.

Maybe she had been lonely, pining for him over those missing years, but this was now and those years didn't count for anything. Jack was here and Sam knew that lonely was something she never needed to be again.

The End


End file.
